“Telling someone not to worry advocates for the supression of their feelings, rather than discussing why the feeling itself is present”
We need to talk about Toxic Positivity
After redundancy, many well-meaning friends and family rushed to tell me that I needed to “stay positive.”
I’d be back on my feet if I just stayed focused, they said. They also reminded me, “It could be worse.” At least I was getting a break. At least my partner was still employed. At least I still had my good health.
The undertone was clear: I should be grateful for what I did have and shouldn’t dwell on what I had lost.
No one meant to hurt me with these comments. They were trying to make me feel better. But that didn’t mean the situation still didn’t suck. I felt disillusioned and anxious. No amount of positive thoughts and attempts to “stay upbeat” would change that.
That positivity can become harmful when it’s insincere, forceful, or delegitimises real feelings of anxiety, fear, sadness, or hardship.
It’s not healthy positivity; it’s toxic.
It got me thinking about the “forced fun” in some organisations. “Good vibes only”; “Believe in yourself and things will work out”; “I know the company future isn’t clear. Here’s dress-down Friday!”
By not addressing genuine concerns – genuine feelings of anxiety – and papering over the cracks with a metaphorical (or literal) bowl of fruit or “chin up” comment, we’re not just ignoring those feelings: we’re amplifying them.
Positivity is great and work should be fun.
But are we, personally, a poster child for toxic positivity, trying to smile away our own and our colleagues’ pains?
Or are we genuinely empathetic, able to appreciate that things don’t always go well and it really is OK to not be OK – and have that discussion?
